Freeing Yourself from the Myth

I was inspired by a piece called The Myth that Keeps You Mentally Imprisoned by fellow Medium writer, Ayodeji Awosika.

In it, he discusses how we often rob ourselves of the present moment’s richness by idealizing the future and rushing towards a fantasy state of everlasting contentment. It’s not that we won’t achieve our goals, but doing so will bring only momentary happiness. We’ve all experienced this. Once we acclimate to a new stage of success, we inevitably become bored and seek another high.

Recently, I’ve been easily irritated, dismal about my career prospects, and (worst of all) unappreciative of my current blessings. After reading this piece, I realized my unhappiness stemmed from the same mental imprisonment. I was obsessing over small problems, robbing myself of the present moment, and dreaming of an ideal future where my issues ceased to exist.

While I was happy to have recognized the source of my frustration, reprogramming my brain to apply the knowledge took a little more effort. Below are insights I’ve been using to help me approach my current problems with a better perspective, and make the most of today rather than idealizing the future. I hope they help you too.

Imagine watching a movie in which the protagonist lives an easy, happy life and gets everything she wants. That would be an incredibly boring movie. Similarly, the people I know who live “easy” lives are not the ones I usually look forward to seeing. More often than not, I find them boring, self-centered, or materialistic. Some lack empathy and are unable to think outside their own experiences. Interacting with them is usually frustrating.

Without fail, the inspirational people in my life, who give me insightful, memorable conversations, are those who have faced immense challenges in their lives. In fact, it’s the hardships they were forced to overcome that caused them to widen their perspectives, or become impossibly kind, or find the profound courage to do that crazy thing. They have a deep appreciation for the good things in their lives, and are seldom jealous or insecure. Personally, I feel these people also have a certain aura, a kind of natural lightness and positive energy around them.

I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather belong to the second category. If we appreciate hurdles as opportunities to grow into the phenomenal people we are meant to be, we can rise to challenges, rather than being bogged down. Just like we can’t learn algebra without homework or strengthen our bodies without training, we can’t become better people without challenges.

Continuing on the film analogy, why is it so easy to root for onscreen heroes, but not for ourselves? When we watch protagonists in movies, we don’t frame the challenges they face as karmic punishments. We don’t blame or criticize them. We don’t focus on their shortcomings or failures. We certainly don’t expect them to wither under the circumstances and give up entirely.

We expect our heroes to gracefully navigate the ups and downs of life. We dismiss bumps in the road, and encourage them to stay strong, to seek help, to find courage, and to do the right thing. In short, we expect them to succeed, and we enthusiastically cheer them on until they do. Imagine if we treated ourselves that way.

When faced with difficulty, I’ve found it helps to remind myself that I’m the protagonist of my own story. I’ve started actively cheering myself on to overcome the challenges I encounter. Most importantly, I’ve stopped judging myself. I’m incredibly grateful for finding this frame of mind, because it is teaching me how to love myself.

When we’re discouraged or frustrated, it’s easy to forget the growth and progress we’ve made up to this point. Think back to a year ago. Or five years ago. What was your situation like a decade ago? Chances are you’ve overcome significant challenges, achieved victories, and gained tons of knowledge. You are stronger and smarter with each day and each hurdle you cross.

Celebrate this fact! Appreciate your accomplishments, and use them to reassure yourself of your numerous strengths and positive qualities. Use your victories to pick yourself up and propel forward, knowing more beautiful experiences are awaiting you.

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